I don’t like centering prayer, which is to say that I struggle with it daily.

I’m not a fan of struggle, of tension, of staying put amidst discomfort when the rambling voices within are doing their best to keep my mind occupied. I don’t like feeling out of control, and the practice of centering prayer shows me just how out of control I really am.

Truly, it can be maddening. You would never imagine the amount of thoughts buried deep within, chugging along like a steam engine—my ego shoveling coal to keep the train running in an effort to avoid any moment of inner stillness. He knows that when I reach that place, he’s out of a job, if only for a second, and so he keeps piling on fuel for the fire—to-do lists, insecurities, future plans and current musings. Thoughts like What should we make for dinner tonight?, followed quickly by Note to self: take the broth out of the freezer, are accompanied by an a thumbs up from my ego engineer—Way to think ahead, Lacy. You’re so on top of things. Gold star!

But as that gold star fades away, making way for another productive thought (we’re on a roll, here!), I catch myself, remembering my centering prayer practice and returning to that place of inner silence and stillness where the Divine dwells. Planning, thinking, rehashing, imagining—I label each thought that held me captive, disarming their power and releasing them from my ego’s desperate grasp. This manner of labeling thoughts is a mindfulness practice, and I began incorporating it into my centering prayer practice long ago as a tool to help me return and remember in the moments when I need help most.

This is why I practice centering prayer. Not because it’s easy (it’s not), not because I look forward to it (I’ don’t), not because when that sweet bell chimes after twenty minutes I feel as if I’ve touched the heavens (though I do breathe a sigh of relief for making it another day). I practice centering prayer (with practice being the key word here) because of its continual invitation to silence and still the mind in order to simply rest in the presence of God.

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